A mid-life crisis in my 30's

Epiphanies

larissagordon — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 01:10:56 +0000

2010 has been my year of epiphanies. It was an epiphany that led me to start this blog and it is another one that is taking it on a different direction. When I started this blog a couple of months ago, I thought that I was going through an early midlife crisis because I was questioning the choices I had made in my life. That is why I named this blog, a midlife crisis in my 30′s. However, as I continue my life improvement journey I have stopped considering this epiphany a crisis with all its negative connotation and see it as a life opportunity.

This is my opportunity to embark on a path to happiness and fulfillment on a personal and professional level. As a result, I am switching gears and starting over with a new blog that is not about a crisis but about life and more.

Thank you for reading my thoughts until now and check out my new blog at: www.lifeallamoda.com

Tata for now

Total Woman Business Conference

larissagordon — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 21:03:29 +0000

Yesterday, I attended the Total Woman Business Conference in downtown Brooklyn and it was awesome. I left feeling inspired and ready to conquer the world. The theme of the conference was Money Power and the speakers gave very useful information on how to manage our finances, tips on setting financial goals, how to obtain capital for your small business, how to improve your credit score, how to apply for a business loan, training resources, and more.

The speakers were strong, intelligent women from various backgrounds that motivated us to create goals and work on making our dreams a reality with sensible financial advice. From the Executive Director of Asian American/Asian Research Institute at CUNY who told us that is not just about paying the bills but building wealth one cent/nickel at a time, emphasizing the importance of having a budget, spending and savings plans to a Personal Finance Expert at CNBC who told us to always negotiate like men do, instead of just accepting the first offer. Representatives from the Small Business Administration (“SBA”) gave us information on the programs available to women entrepeneurs and a Financial Counselor who spoke about how we sabotage ourselves by not having a healthy relationship with money. There was so much strength and girl power in this lineup of speakers that you could not help but be inspired by their words.

The audience was also a source of inspiration. Women (and a few men) from all walks of life who had started (or are planning to start) their own businesses and showed a collective strength that motivated me to work hard at reaching my own dreams. The room was full of positive energy that was so contagious, it made you want to reach for the stars.

I am happy that I got to spend the day in the company of so many strong, intelligent women and learned about Money Power while been motivated and inspired.

Why on Facebook?

larissagordon — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 01:28:16 +0000

There is an increasing and disturbing trend among users of social media sites, such as Facebook, to air their dirty laundry online. Time and time again I read and hear stories of people who have broken up via Facebook or Twitter, who have found out very personal information about a significant other by reading their status updates online and in some cases have war of words on each other’s walls. I have recently seen first hand how people who used to love and respect each other, are now at each other’s throat in a very public forum with all their Facebook friends as witnesses.

Why do people think is appropriate to air their dirty laundry for all their “friends” to see? Unless you only have your closest and dearest friends in Facebook (yes all 100+ of them) with whom you share all your intimate thoughts and information, your online friends may include current or former colleagues and people in the industry with whom you network. Sharing intimate information, especially in a negative format, can be detrimental to your career. Thanks to technology, there are so many ways to communicate your feelings to someone without having to actually speak to them that I really don’t see the need of using Facebook or Twitter to do this. How about e-mails, texts or even Facebook e-mails? At least the conversation and all the nastiness therein will only be between the intended recipients and no reputation damage will ensue.

Of course, you might even want to consider picking up the phone or meeting the person face to face, it might help clear things up once and for all

If 40 is the new 20, does that mean I’m a teenager?

larissagordon — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:22:17 +0000

I keep hearing the phrase, 40 is the new 20 so I began wondering: what about people in their 30′s? Have we now become teenagers? Granted, I know some 30 somethings that behave like teenagers (mostly males) but does that mean that we have turned the clock back and are now starting over? With so many products claiming to have the fountain of youth by erasing any signs of aging, I wonder if people are also managing to erase any signs of maturity and responsibility. Turning back time and starting over, wouldn’t that be nice?

Let’s think about life as a teenager before the weight of adulthood fell on our shoulders. Would you go back and relive those years? I certainly would and if I’m allowed to take with me some of the wisdom of adulthood, it would be totally amazing! I really don’t understand why teenagers want to grow up so quickly and become adults full of responsibilities. I constantly tell my 12-year-old niece to enjoy these years as much as she can and take full advantage of all that life has to offer.

As women, we are obsessed with our age, biological clocks, finding the right one (or the for right now one while managing our careers and status as independent, strong women. We live our lives with imaginary deadlines of when we should reach every milestone in our lives (marriage, children, President of my life company, etc). You get the gist of what I’m talking about here. No matter how successful you are in your 30s, if you are single the question will always be: when are you getting married?

With all the pressures of getting married and starting a family, maybe is not a bad thing that 40 is the new 20. At the very least, it buys you more time to meet those imaginary deadlines we seem to have (of course your biological clock might not agree, so there is always adoption to fall back on).

I still think that age is just a number and you are as old as you feel. I think that is why some people don’t look their age while others look a lot older than they are. It is all about how you portray yourself. What do you think?

Time to Regroup

larissagordon — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:27:01 +0000

Last night at dinner with friends, we talked about the past, our plans for the future and how been unemployed has changed our lives. And of course, where would a girl’s night out be without dishing about the opposite sex. We discussed how the last year (or couple of months for me) have made us evaluate our careers and really think about where we see ourselves in the next few years. On this particular subject, the overwhelming sense was that we were looking to move away from the Corporate environment towards something more significant on a personal, environmental and charitable level. Despite our different career backgrounds (fashion vs. finance), we all had similar experiences in the workplace that confirmed my belief that what I had experienced in my last job was not unique to the Company or Department I worked for, but is typical of Corporate America. However, having worked at other large companies before, I would still argue that my last workplace took the cake when it came to drama.

On a positive side, we have used this opportunity to learn and grow as individuals. By looking inside ourselves to identify areas we need to work on, we are on the road to becoming better human beings. I, for example, am working on controlling some of my type A personality traits that have gotten me in trouble in the past. I have to be more patient, less demanding and more understanding without sacrificing the drive, competitiveness and sense of achievement that has made me who I am today. It is all about finding the right balance to work well with others without sacrificing yourself.

It is always refreshing to share your thoughts with others and even more so when you find things in common. This dinner could not have come at a better time, since in the last few days I have been wondering if I should just give up on my career change and go back to work in Finance or Audit. I have been working for the better part of my life and I’m not used to not having a job with a steady income, so it is not surprising that I have been having second thoughts about starting over doing something I like.

My friends have unknowingly given me time to regroup and prioritize. I have to remain focus on the purpose of this journey and why I started it to begin with. Otherwise, I will look back a few years from now and regret not working to find happiness. And if you are wondering what exactly we were dishing about the opposite sex, stay tuned for my next post to get our female point of view.

I would love to hear your feedback, so please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

My Weight Loss Journey

larissagordon — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:08:55 +0000

As part of my life improvement project, I have been working on a weight loss program to get in shape. My goal is to lose 30 lbs. through exercise and healthy eating while building stamina and toning up. Developing a program that can be incorporated into my day-to-day and become a lifestyle is what I am aiming for. Of course, it is easier said than done. I have started and stopped so many times, I have lost count. When I was working, I had so many excuses not to hit the gym and eat healthy that the pounds just kept piling up. Now that I am not working I have the time and should not have any more excuses, right? Wrong!

Let’s see: there is a snowstorm and is such a mess outside, got caught up writing and doing research online so I never made it, and the list goes on and on. At least I am eating better now that I’m not eating out all the time so I have been able to stop the pounds from piling up (this probably has a lot to do with my mom staying with me for a few months What really needs work is my workout routine. For starters, it has to become a routine!

I go to Spinning classes semi-regularly (at least once a week) but that has been about it in the last two weeks. I started this journey by going to the gym at least four times per week, taking Spinning classes, doing cardio and strength training until I started going less and less and now I barely make it. I’m in serious need of some motivation to get back on track.

In the meantime, I splurged on a pair of Reebok Easytone shoes to “tone as I walk”. I chose the Reebok ones because they look more like regular sneakers than the other ones (i.e. Skechers Shape Ups and MBT), that look like you’re on a platform. They are a little pricey but so far I like the way they work my legs when I walk. Is too early to see results but it looks promising. The good part is that it requires absolutely no effort on my part as I already do a lot of walking running errands and walking my dog so it is part of my daily routine, no scheduling required. Of course this is not enough to reach my goals so I need to get back to a workout routine, so I am going back to the gym tomorrow!

Financial Health

larissagordon — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:55:59 +0000

Previously, I wrote about how money has been a great motivator to stay in a career I didn’t like for many years until I lost my job and was forced to reevaluate my life. As I figure out what I’m going to do next, I have to manage my finances very carefully so I won’t end up broke and homeless (of course I can always move back home with mom in Panama, which would be lovely in the winter but not exactly what I want on a permanent basis

Here are a few things I’m doing:

Using an expense tracking application on my blackberry, I record every cent I spend no matter how small so I can see where my money goes (very helpful for my ATM withdrawals)
Created a budget listing all my income, savings, monthly expenses and allocated amounts for household, personal and entertainment expenses (a girl has to have fun). I don’t know how many times in the past I have created budgets and never followed them, this time I swear by what is in my budget
Eating at home has proven to be the biggest savings of all (I calculate that I spent approximately $75 per week minimum). When I was working I would eat out at least one meal per day, usually more, not to mention my almost daily run to Starbucks
I opened a Certificate of Deposit (“CD”) with ING after researching banks offering the best rates
ING also offers better rates for savings accounts so I continue to make deposits into my savings account there. However, in the event that I need some funds quicker than the 3-5 days turnaround they offer, I changed my savings account with Citibank to one offering a higher rate
I began investing by opening IRA and Investment accounts to buy stocks, bonds and mutual funds. I have been educating myself on the best investment options based on risk factors so I’m not paying someone to make investment decisions for me
I never thought I would say this, but I’ve been doing my own laundry instead of paying someone to do it. Is actually not that bad and it gives me some time to catch up on my reading (using my new Nook
Looking for shopping deals online. I found some nice things for the apartment on Big Lots, Gilt is good for brand name shopping, etc.
I also found a supermarket that offers lower prices in my neighborhood, which has been great for my smaller purchases (I still use Fresh Direct once a month)

These are just some of the things I have started doing to manage my finances during this transitional period. One expense I cannot do without is my gym membership. I know is a splurge, but I can’t give up NYSC

If you have any suggestions on ways I can save money, please leave me a comment.

Motivation

larissagordon — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 01:33:00 +0000

Finding motivation to stay on track and focused on the next chapter of my life can be daunting at times. Sometimes I question my choice to start fresh by thinking that as much as I hated my job, at least I had a steady paycheck coming my way. Then I think back to the reasons why I decided to make this change and remember that having a steady income was the only positive thing I can recall from my last job while the list of negative things just goes on and on.

Money is a great motivator and the reason why I stayed in a career I didn’t like for so many years, like so many other people I know. I had become accustomed to the lifestyle my income could afford without giving much thought to my future, except for automatic 401K contributions. My financial outlook was very much focused on living the moment, with my money going into a black hole since I could never figure out what I was spending money on. I am now more focused on my financial health, following a budget, making investments and saving for a rainy day.

However, I still have moments of self-doubt wondering if this is the right choice. After all, without a steady income my rainy day can come sooner rather than later. Having the support of my family, especially my mom, helps me stay on track. I recently asked her if she thought I was doing the right thing or if I should start looking for another job in audit. Her response: why would you go back to doing something that made you miserable?

That is all I needed to hear….

Looking back to move forward

larissagordon — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 06:36:55 +0000

Looking back at what you have done so far with your life and how you got to this point, is the first step in changing your future. When you are looking to change your career, that means reviewing your choices throughout the years from what was behind the initial career move to what triggered a move from one job to another. By doing this exercise, I found out what is important to me career wise, lessons learned and what prompted me to continue down the same path with every job change.

It was really an eye-opening experience since I realized how little thought I had given to my career so far. Everything I have done has been a continuation of the initial wrong turn I made and not a result of a grand master plan carefully devised. Even my answer to the standard interview question: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years” was a statement I had carefully drafted of what I knew was the “right answer” and not what I really wanted to do, since I hadn’t even thought about what my career path should be. My answer to that question should have been more along the lines of “I want to be my own boss” and not whatever answer I gave along the lines of a career working for someone else. This is just an example of the many things I realized have been part of the imperfect lie I have been living until now.

After looking back at what I had done, it was time to look at what I want to do. I started by taking a couple of career aptitude tests to get an idea of the careers I should be looking at based on my interests, and it wasn’t surprising to find that writing (a hobby I have had for many years) was the number one occupation on my test results. Actually, the top three occupations in my results were in creative fields; such a far cry from the career in Finance/Audit/IT I have had. I really should have done this a lot earlier but better late than never.

In addition to the aptitude test, I have prepared a list of what I have to do in order to move forward with my career change project. The list is a work in progress, changing every day as I come up with new ideas. The most important thing I keep in mind as I’m going through this process, is to remain positive no matter what; as I tell myself that the sky is the limit on what I can accomplish if I put my mind to it and work hard.

After all, I have been working my butt off for years on jobs I didn’t like so why not work just as hard (or even harder) on something I love and can be proud of. It is an exciting journey with endless possibilities.

Evaluate Life

larissagordon — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 22:50:08 +0000

My midlife crisis began as a result of feeling dissatisfied with my life, mainly my job or career choice but also other important areas, such as relationships, money and health. In order to find happiness, I had to do an honest evaluation of every aspect of my life to find what areas I needed to change. I rated each area on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 been not happy at all and 10 been fantastic. This exercise confirmed what I already knew, that my career was the primary source of my unhappiness ; however my personal life as it related to relationships came in a close second. Money and health, as it relates to my weight, were tied in third place.

I haven’t had much of a personal life in the last few years, since my job always took priority and my travel schedule didn’t leave much room for a relationship to develop. It was also my travel and long hours that led to the weight gain, which has left me very unhappy with my body. And of course, money is always an issue when you are dissatisfied with your job but are afraid to leave because although not great, the pay is okay. Is funny how something that made me so miserable took such a center stage in my life affecting my personal life to such a degree. Is like seeing my life in a domino effect.

I embarked on a life improvement project to address all these areas that are at the root of my unhappiness. Except for relationships, I have a plan already in place and I’m working on improving each area. I have developed a fitness and nutrition regime, a budget, a savings plan, opened investment accounts (including an IRA) and continue to work on my career change plan. The only area that I have decided to postpone is relationships because I want to work on myself first before I start thinking of sharing my life with someone else. I believe that to have a happy relationship, you must first be a happy person in order for it to work.

As I embark on my journey to self-improvement, I continue to evaluate my life to make sure a proper balance is maintained so the dominoes will not fall.